My Approach

This part is usually called philosophy where I embellish how I’ve found a secret way to moving your ass and not putting questionable cinnamon and sugar covered non sense in your mouth disguised as food. Philosophy seems pretty intense for fitness and pretending like theres a mystery to being healthy and in better shape would be a lie and thats not a great first impression.

Health and fitness has always been simple. Telling you its difficult isn’t going to help you, so lets stay away from that negativity. My hope is to give you a better understanding of that simplicity as it pertains to you and what you’re trying to accomplish. The actual “what you have to do” isn’t complex. It’s the consistency of hard work inside and outside of the gym on a daily basis that can make this “difficult” at first but should then become a regular part of your daily breathing air life.

Physical hard mechanical work is what this what this meat puppet suit you’re walking around in is made for. Whether thats running, tossing around iron, or carrying cattle on your back through the valley, you are living in a machine that is built for hard work. Feed yourself foods that came from the earth with ingredients you recognize and can pronounce and you’re pretty much there. The last part is making sure you rest and most importantly managing your stress so you can enjoy this lottery ticket of living as a human.

Thats it. If it were more complicated than that, we’d all be dead by now.

 

U Get Only 1

ME

I kindly request people to lift moderate to heavy objects up and set them back down in an aggressive comedic tone while ignoring all worthless excuses that don’t start with “I”m dead.”

I could tell you how long I’ve been doing this in 3rd person as if I didn’t write this myself, but that would be selfish and misleading. I’ve been doing this long enough to tell you what you need to worry about and what you don’t. I have a degree that says I know things about fitness and a certification that says the same. I’ve worked with people who love and hate working out but share the want to change something about their health.

My goal is for you to understand your body a little bit better – emotionally, mentally and physically. I want you to understand the simplicity of taking care of yourself for whatever health/fitness goal you have, so you can do this on your own in case I have an untimely death from a bus or the ingestion of too many Gummy Bears.

Complete Support

We’re not done once you leave the gym. What you do when you’re away from your workouts is what will determine your overall results. You’re going to make mistakes, that’s part of your journey. But know that the mistakes you make you won’t have to deal with alone. Whether you’re in the gym with me fighting for that last rep, have a question of what’s a healthy cocktail (THERE ISNT ONE), or you’re at home trying not to hit a bag of chips like the hope diamond is at the bottom, I’m with you every step of the way through phone, email, carrier pigeon, or smoke signal. All you have to do is care enough to ask.

Book a Session

If you’re ready, let’s do it. If you’re not ready, let’s do it anyway or at least have a conversation.

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Come and Work with Us

If you’ve got questions, don’t be shy. Ask away.

If you’d like to talk about possible speaking engagements, press contributions or partnerships, I’m here for you, too.

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BLOG

Food.

Food my dear Watson. This is a typical day of eating. It’s fulfilling, healthy, and will put a dent in your appetite. If you look closely you can see a carb, fat, and protein is represented in each meal. No snacks, because they aren’t necessary. No meal replacements or bars because there’s food to eat. You’re looking at about 5-8 minutes of total prep time to ensure hunger doesn’t come bothering you during the day. Breakfast: eggs, egg whites, peppers, Apple. Lunch: ground turkey with marinara, raspberries, avocado. Dinner: ground turkey with taco season (cooked the same time as the lunch ground turkey in the same pan) avocado, broccoli. Possibilities are endless if you try. You don’t need a meal plan you just need common sense. This isn’t chopped with a basket of weird shit you’ve never heard of before. You’re very capable of making easy filling healthy meals. You got time, hands, and heat then you have no excuses.

Who Wants a 6 Pack of Abs When You Can Have 4 and a Doughnut Ice-cream sandwich??

I often (no I don’t) get asked if I have abs because that’s the apex of physical fitness right? The answer to that silly ass question is yes, but like 4 1/2 of them. The other 3 1/4 (I hate math) I’m not interested in seeing because of the not so fun things I would have to do. I’ve had all my abs visible and its not that much fun to keep up with. A lot of things you can’t eat and you definitely can’t go HAM on this donut ice cream sandwich that the powers to be have unselfishly blessed us with. Most assume that if you’re trainer, a cross-stitched midsection is what you strive for as your ultimate goal and if you don’t then you’re not dedicated or knowledgable in the health and fitness realm. But if it’s not one of yours or my goals, dedication ain’t got shit to do with it. My goals are to be able to eat carelessly once a week (twice if there’s a holiday), laugh, have my arms look like I’ve been chopping wood all day, and look down and be able to see everything. Anything outside of that I could give a shit about. If you want visible abs, have mercy on your soul, or hope you have above average genetics because that shit is going to be zero fun to get AND to hold. Plus one persons body and plan for perfect abs is another person treacherous thunderstorm in the Bermuda Triangle. We’re all snow flakes and we all don’t melt the same under the same amount heat. Visible abs are not the top of the mountain for fitness. It is the top of starvation and working out whilst one is hungry. If that sounds like fun for you, go for it. Seriously, it’s quite the accomplishment. But if you’re using a 6 pack to measure you’re own progress, you need to unsubscribe from that shit because that’s some spam that will absolutely destroy your life mailbox. Abs is not in the cards for everyone and it means nothing if that is you. You can be in perfectly great healthy lean or not lean shape without your abdomen being diced up, be happy, and not feel guilty as shit when you holler “I’ll have two” when the doughnut ice cream sammy ferry comes around taking orders.

Hollywood Training.

I’ve taken my dumb ass celebrity trainer action photo. Now I can charge you a shit ton of money for what you and everyone else already knows about getting in shape. The reason why “celebrity trainers” are sought after for their “expertise” in health and fitness is because their clientele HAS TO!!!, come hell or high water, HAS TO!!! look good. It’s not up for discussion. There’s 10 million dollars on the table for the next A list celebrity to be the next shredded up comic book hero and you can be for gawd damn certain that no matter what “celeb trainer” tells them to do, will be done, no questions asked because there’s money, fans, and a career on the line. They’ll pound that detox shake, they’ll eat that dry chicken,they’ll swallow those possibly questionable “supplements”, they’ll skip that high end dessert at the premier party, and they’ll DIE on that treadmill because theirs Scrooge Mcduck gold coins and Twitter followers at stake here son. The sacrifices of these A listers is what makes these trainers of the celebrity “you must know so much, let me give you an obscene amount of money” caliber, relevant. You take that same “celeb trainer’s” workout/eating plan and ask non celeb no movie deal having ass Steve in accounting who no one gives a shit about and your boy might not put forth the same effort as let’s say the next potential Aqua man will. The motivation behind the clientele will determine the success of said “celebrity trainer”. Which makes their holy shit per session price tag scratch your head. That price tag has nothing to do with their knowledge of how to get in shape. That price tag is for names of the people they’ve worked with and the balls out motivation their clientele HAS TO have to keep themselves and their career at their current could fall at anytime celebrity status going. I don’t care who you are or who you train nobody has $500 a session worth working out and eating information. It just doesn’t exist. Everything to lose fat, be healthy, and look great is already known and you know the majority of it. Trainers of the stars don’t know more than you or have an insanely secretive program that only celebrities are privy to. They do the same shit as everybody else, it’s just the people they work with have a lot more to lose than you do so not carrying out a health and fitness program to the utmost is not an option for them.

Celebrity Fitness

You want to look like your favorite celebrity huh? I got you boss. First (now this is crucial) get some talent, skill, or ability where people will pay lots of money to come see you, kiss your ass, and buy your shit for always because free time cost money and you’re going to need a lot of it. Next, pray that your parents gave you great genetics because if they didn’t, you’re regimen is going to be so ridiculously real and constant that this is going to fucking suck especially as you get older. Now, you need to trainer, nutritionist, and chef up and that shit ain’t going to be cheap. I hope you love working out because you’re going to be doing a shit ton of it and it’s not going to be fun for the most part. Remember that talent thing we talked about? That’s going to pay for your nutritionist and chef to come up with your meals and have them prepared at a moments notice, otherwise this shit is going to fall off the rails mighty fast. Also you’re going to need one of your staff people to be a fucking Rembrandt at photo shop and Adobe to touch up those pictures you take because NOBODY wants to really see what you look like. Almost done. Here’s the important part. You’re going to have to stretch the truth a little bit about how much you workout, eat, possibly some illegal not approve by the FDA or anyone with 3 letters of authority to protect our health that your doing/swallowing or have access to, along with all the other people behind the scenes your talent is paying for that allows you to look they way you do when you’re on stage or performing your “look at me” skill set. Telling people the actual truth of the time, money, people, risky “health” practices you do to be ready for lets say photo shoot, would ruin the fantasy and that shit could hurt ticket sales thus no more free time to look fantastic. Ready set go!!!! 

You’re not a celebrity. You work a 9-5 and have to do everything on you’re own. Don’t let those “I’m just like you” get to know me so you buy more of my shit interviews fool you into thinking you’re the same person. You’re not. There are nameless people that you’ve never seen or heard of that allows your favorite celeb to look great WHEN THEY NEED TO BE SEEN and you can’t afford them. If you have someone famous who you physically admire it’s ok to use them as motivation but unless you have the talent, money, and free time, I’d proceed with caution with trying to emulate their “looking and staying good” practices.

Sad Truth of Looking Fit.

I got some bad news for you. Here’s a spider man Valentine’s Day card my girlfriend’s lovely mom gave me to make you feel better. If you don’t want to hear some Santa Claus isn’t real level type shit I suggest you keep scrolling partner. Working out to be strong doesn’t take much time to see results. You lift a 20lb dumbbell one week, 10 days later you lift a 25lb one, and BOOM!!! you’re stronger, brag to your friends, have a martini, smoke a sandwich. Working out to be in overall good shape from a being able to move around better and have more stamina standpoint is the same as well. As soon as you start working out consistently, in as little as two weeks you may notice that you feel better and that you’re able to do more physical things for longer without your lungs falling out of your mouth and you can maintain that shit for a long time with very minimal work. I preface those two approaches to exercising because although similar with one kind of leading to another, they have nothing to do with trying to workout to look a certain way and the misunderstanding of that shit is crushing people’s souls. Yes you’ll most likely be doing the same activity give or take a few exercises to achieve one or all of these goals, but the premise for working out to have a certain appearance is a giant consistent pain in the ass that never stops that you better be in love with. It is constant work that you have to do forever, packed to the brim with adjustments, patience, eating the same shit for months at a time to see what works and what doesn’t, and an infinite amount of understanding that what worked 6 months ago might be totally different 6 months later to keep the same body you worked so hard for. WARNING: losing weight and looking the same at that weight year after year isn’t the same thing either, just in case you wanted to try to throw in that “but what about” discussion. If you don’t love the process of working out, tinkering with your food, and the time you have to put into both to see how they work together, DO NOT make exercise to sculpt your body your primary goal because you will be severely disappointed.

I see it all the time. People get that frustrated confused look on their faces when they work out for 3 months (not consistently as they should) for what they think they want and definitely not with the precision of eating they need to be doing for their particular body to appear as they had envisioned. Because we live in the hurry up offense world, people really have a hard time grasping the years (YES THE YEARS)and CONSISTENCY it takes to make a body dressed to the 9’s that isn’t necessary for survival. Let’s also not forget that what you may be trying look like, might not be in the genetic cards for you. You might want those long thin model legs you saw on a stranger dancing around the lakes in but as soon as you start squatting, them walking sticks and that ass might start to grow, and you might have to accept the fact that might be how your body genetically respond to lifting weights or exercise in general. And that’s totally fine love your gawd damn body and stop giving yourself a hard time. It goes the same for the guy that’s been lifting for years who wants to have a big barrel superhero chest but can’t because that’s not how he’s built and that shit isn’t going to happen. Doesn’t mean he can’t get stronger or be in better shape, but that big armor plated chest he keeps dreaming about might be on some Easter bunny shit. For some reason it’s easy for us to accept this concept in the intelligence field where everyone can’t be good at math or exceptional at deciphering chemical formulas but when it comes to the physical game, everyone thinks everyone can look the same as long as they do the same activity. Tooth fairy. Sprinkle in the insanity with cats comparing their body to someone that’s not in their bloodline and thinking what they do, how they did it, and how long it took to get there is going to be the same for them, and now you really got some unicorn type shit going on. I know you saw some runners frolicking past your window 3 years ago, liked how they looked, and decide you’d do the same skip, hoping you’d get the same body. But OHH NO!!! 3 years later your legs don’t look anything like what you saw many moons ago from the people jogging past your porch and you don’t know why. We aren’t the same. We can’t do the same activity and look like one another, that’s not how this shit works. If you believe in that and try to make that shit happen you’re signing up for a bath tub full of moon shine depression. Everyone isn’t built the same nor will you have the same approach to achieve the body you want as someone else. Your friend might be able to have pizza slices, lift one day a week, and chased that shit with some jack and be able to see the cuts in their abs. You might have to eat low carbs, with a chicken breast, workout 3-4 times a week, skip happy hours for a month, and monitor your birthday cake eating to none at your kids yearly celebration, to even stand the change to see one of your abs in the upper left hand corner. Tough shit son. If you can’t accept that the body you want that isn’t necessary for living and Ill say it again that ISN’T FUCKING NECESSARY!!! for you to live, requires a shit ton of long ass work, full of adjustments and different from everyone you know and probably hang out with, then DO NOT sign up for this shit. Work out, be strong, be more in shape, and be happy, that’s an easier to swallow course. Because working out trying to get that body you desire, get those arms toned up, get those legs dieseled up, is a constant continuous process you better be in love with or you’ll be signing up for a miserable existence.

Quitting To Win

http://howtoquitworking.com/312-how-to-start-a-fitness-business/

 

Short interview with Jeff Steinmann on how I got started and how getting fired and quitting previous personal training jobs, lead to me starting my own health and fitness business.