Whiskey, Donuts, Weight Loss.
It’s a whiskey and donut type of celebration, son. Two days ago, I cracked 200 lbs and fell into the 100 lb club for the first time since middle school. Now, it instantly went back up to 200+ lbs after I lost my shit and had two donuts and made a trip to Mickey D’s, but that’s not the point. This feat could not be done alone (and nobody wants to drink alone), so let’s thank everyone in the room, starting from the left.
Xbox: Thank you for providing me with a healthy, stress-free outlet for when shit gets real in the field. Blowing up a SwagParty0467 tank in Russia makes me feel light on my feet and all is good with the globe.
Buddha statue: Thank you for not judging others for tossing back the fire water, but coming to party with the H2O. Thank you for being the sign of peace and tranquility that we all need, not just for weight loss, but more importantly for living every day.
DONUTS!! I love you. Thank you for being the re-feed I need on cheat days to help get the metabolism rolling again after days of carbs being on the low.
Food: thank you for being you. Simple and straight to the point. Thanks for not being full of shit I don’t know and being cool with it when I set you on fire. Also, not being obnoxious about how much you weigh and how much of you I was eating was a big help, thanks bro.
Dumbbell: You’re the real MVP. With all this bullshit of trying to make things complicated when all you ask for is to be picked up and set back down multiple times. And in return, you help me get my fitness on — I couldn’t thank you enough for being so simple and effective. For some reason, people still want to make you a mystery (I think it is so they can charge more money to hang out with you and try their “program”) even though you’ve been doing the same shit for decades – helping people get stronger, be healthier and tighten shit up. They wanna keep doing the same research on you for shit we already know and to make it seem like their “approach” is something different than anyone else’s. But you don’t buy into that nonsense. Thank you for not getting full of yourself and turning into a ridiculously priced machine as if that would be better than what you already are. You’re simple, you’re sexy, I love you.
Pillow: thanks for sleep and naps to help with relaxation and repairing my meat puppet suit. And always being cooler on the other side (RIP Stuart Scott).
All kidding aside. This was something I didn’t need to do, but wanted to do because I know many people struggle with trying to get unhealthy weight off of their body. And please don’t take anything I wrote above as being better than what you’re doing. If you’re trying to live a healthier life and putting forth the effort, then I’m you’re biggest cheerleader regardless of what you’re doing. I just wanted to show that the components for losing weight and being healthier are not complicated and don’t have to put you on a path of misery. This is supposed to be fun and rewarding if you have the right mindset. You’re supposed to indulge in fun things that life has to offer (#donuts #whiskey) while still moving forward towards your weight loss goals. Not everyday, but every now and then HELL YEAH!! About a year and a half ago I was about 260lbs and still had plenty of pastries, shots, pizzas, missed workouts, bad days, great days, waffle cones and my weight is still coming down. It doesn’t have to be complicated or a treacherous journey. I don’t have a program, I don’t have a meal plan, I can’t tell you how many calories I eat (because I don’t know or care), and I can’t tell you what’s gone up or down in my workouts (because I don’t know and I don’t care). I just live and make more healthy choices than bad ones and you can do the same. As always if you have any questions or want to chat or split a donut, please let me know. Have a fan fucking tastic Friday everyone. BOTTOMS UP!!!